Why didn’t you tell me about these things BEFORE I came to Ecuador!
After being here a full year, here are 15 things you should have told me before I came here…
15. That I’ll blow out my knee while doing a power squat with my pack on while taking an emergency dump in a gas station bathroom because the floor hasn’t been cleaned for months and there’s no where to set the bag down. Then there’ll be NO toilet paper causing me to sacrifice a sock!
14. That even if immigration makes a mistake with your paperwork it can cause you to miss your departure flight from Ecuador, even if it’s totally not your fault and you’re already checked in.
13. That throwing trash out bus windows is not frowned upon and locals will get TICK*D if you say something.
12. There’s a reason people throw the toilet paper in a small bin next to the toilet! Ecuadorian toilets really can’t handle even a few squares without turning into an active volcano. The hard part is not sneaking a peak at the skid mark after you wipe.
11. That all women in Ecuador are after 3 things and 3 things only, marriage, marriage and … marriage. If you’re not up to it you better inform so in writing on the first date before the first round of drinks.
10. Not to look up and admire architecture and birds in the trees as you walk in the streets… because you will fall in a hole!
9. That the police are not on your side and if you call them, even in time of need, they probably won’t show or they’ll ask for a bribe.
8. That sure, I can buy a lot of land in the middle of no where on the coast for CHEAP, but water and electricity services will be spotty at BEST and internet is simply un-available.
7. That roosters or barking dogs will probably wake me up at the a$$ crack of dawn every day for my entire stay.
6. That drivers are “lane-challenged” and that meshing and going with the flow is the only way to make it.
5. That Cuenca is NOT the land of the “eternal spring”… more like the land of the eternal ” late fall”, its cold! Bring an extra jacket.
4. That hot, powerful showers as we know them don’t really exist in Ecuador, the Ecuador “hot” is our “slightly luke warm”.
3. That rice is served with EVERY meal, and that locals consider a mountain of plain, white rice “tasty” and I’m wierd not to do so, too.
2. That even the people in tourist information offices and airline check-in points don’t speak English.
1. That no matter if someone in the street has no clue where something is, they’ll still point you in a random direction, again, and again, and again.
And that despite all these setbacks I’ll still be glad I came!
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