04 March 2014 .
That’s the reason we travel, right?
To see stuff we can’t see in our home country.
Well, here are 21 things you could never see in the USA or Canada (or elsewhere for that matter) but you CAN see in Ecuador.
1. When pulled over by the cops, Ecuadorians tend to get out of their cars and walk over to the cops and try to reason with them. If you tried this in the US you would be shot dead on sight and left to lie there in your own pool of blood.
2. Getting honked at while sitting at a red light. I’ve only seen this happen in Ecuador, and a lot. If you tried this in the USA you would make the evening news as a victim of road rage.
3. Self-made speed bumps. Thats right, especially along the coast, a lot of folks in small towns decide from one day to the next they’re going to make a speed bump. Usually they are perfectly camouflagued and right at the end of a speedy curve, yes, they’ll rattle your teeth all right.
4. Unrefrigerated Milk in a box. I never seen this in the USA, but its commonplace in Ecuador.
5. Women in high heels in a grocery store. No, they are not on their way to a wedding or something, Ecuadorian women will put on heels to go grocery shopping. Better than the other extreme, boy, did I get tired of watching lazy American college girls who roam around all day still in their pijamas. I for one hope that trend stays in the US.
6. At 5’6 getting on a crowded bus I can often still see over the tops of everyones heads. In the US I would be catching the draft of ‘silent-but-deadlies’ on my forehead.
7. Love motels. Maybe I was too nerdy but I never saw one of these in my first 20 or so years of life while living in the USA. Love motels in Ecuador are pay-by-the-hour places with heart-shaped beds, no windows, and all the channels on the TV are p orn. You go there to do one specific thing and leave. My first time in one they looked at me funny when I asked if there was a 10 minute rate. Seriously, in 10 minutes I’m done, showered, shaven and smoking my second cigarette.
8. Gas station gas pumpers. This is a long extinct career in the USA. But every gas station in Ecuador has them. I guess they think pulling a lever is too complicated for people. But what is the training like for these people that help you pump your gas? I can see it now, “OK men, easy and steady, aim high, don’t go crazy with it, if you get it on the rim you’ll hear it from the misses. And if you shake it more than 3 times you’re playing with it.” Maybe thats why only men seem to be qualified for this one.
9. Coca cola in a bag. So what happens if you order one of those famous, standard $1.75 Ecuadorian plate lunches to go? That’s right. They will give you the coke in a bag. To look as Ecuadorian as possible you need to proceed to bite the corner of the bag and “suck that titty”. Come on, don’t be a baby, (no pun intended) we’ve all done it at one point, or various points, in our lives. Other wierd things in bags can also be seen like ketchup, mayonesse too. Strange.
10. Carrots larger than a grown mans forearm. At the sight of one of these massive carrots one female tourist asked me if everything in Ecuador was that big? Why yes mam it is.
11. Cars with 100% tinted windows and police-style strobe lights. This seems to be permitted in Ecuador cause I see it eveerywhere. Too bad its not permitted in the US or I would have lost my virginity 2 whole years sooner in that parking lot that one time. Men understand, this is an important monkey to get off your back.
12. Roosters that crow at midnight. Anyone that has lived in the countryside of Ecuador can sympathize with me on this one, Must be the equator, but rooster in the countryside of Ecuador have a seriously messed up internal clock.
13. Watching the Metro door close with so many people packed in that someones arm is stuck out the door as the tram starts to pull away. Only in Ecuador.
14. Beer and dogs on the beach. Ah, I remember in when I lived in Southern California dogs were quarantined only to a few very specific beaches and beer was a big no no and could even get you arrested. In Ecuador, Ecuadorians don’t go to the beach to surf, or jog, or any of that lame stuff. They go to drink beer, and lots of it! It would be tough to find an Ecuadorian beach without beer and at least a half dozen stray dogs roaming the cuff.
15. Chicken feet soup. theres just some parts of animals we’re not used to seeing in our food, or for sale at the grocery store, like chicken feet, bull balls, kidney, and more.
16. Screwing screws in with a wrench. Thats right, I’ve seen Ecuadorian construction workers screwing in screws with a wrench. I swear, give them a shovel and a hammer and they can build you a house.
17. Leaving your dirty food tray on your table at the mall. Thats right, just get up and leave it, if you try to throw it away in the bin you may be tackled from behind. OK, maybe not, but you are putting someones job in jeapordy who is in charge of cleaning the dirty trays.
18. Watch as an old lady tries to get off a moving bus. Ahh, only in Ecuador.
19. The Drivers Ed class where they teach Ecuadorian drivers that stop signs at night really mean, “flick your headlights, honk twice and then drive right through”. I guess they couldn’t fit all that text on the sign.
20. The freelance eye-drop seller that tries to sell on the bus, but when he actually puts it in his own eye to show how to use the product he has to brace himself and wince to get it in. Can I see that health registration again, please?
21. The floor-to-ceiling mirrors in the handycap stalls in La Escala Shopping Mall in Cumbaya, a suburb of Quito. I’ve never seen this anywhere and whoever thought of this should be shot. I mean, come on, who wants to watch themselves and they’re ‘giving birth’ faces as you re sitting there on the pot? There’s a certain amount of self-respect you lose for youself after watching yourself in this position.
I know, please don’t rush over to Expedia and buy your ticket to Ecuador too fast now, ok?
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