I swear man, I have a love hate relationship with Ecuador.
Aww, I love Ecuador… as I wake to the sound of hundreds of birds chirping in my yard, I see why Ecuador is a top 3 destination in the world for bird watchers. Then my thought gets disrupted by the horrid screech of a neighbors rooster, the same one that was crowing at 2am last night… I freakin hate Ecuador.
I love Ecuador… as I lift myself from bed as the warm, gentle breeze brushes past my forehead. Then I get bit by a mosquito on the arm cause the window was open all night, da*n Ecuador, how do they live and rent properties without screens on the windows?… I hate Ecuador.
I love Ecuador as I get up to go to the bathroom as I’m feeling good cause I’m noticably lighter than I was in the states, and my clothes fit loosely… then my mood changes as I have to literally walk through my front yard to go to the one and only bathroom in my two bedroom house. And this is new 2014 construction, what were they thinking detaching the bathroom from both bedrooms? I hate Ecuador.
I love Ecuador I think as I get in the nice, hot shower powered by a tank of natural gas that lasts a couple weeks which cost a mere $3 due to subsidies provided by the local government. But my feeling shifts as i tweak the shower knob and the temperature goes from scolding hot to ice cold due to a millimeter shift, really people, you can’t figure this one out? I hate Ecuador.
I love Ecuador. For any man, sitting down with a paper while taking a morning shat is a nice moment of the day… But having to wipe and put the paper in the bin on the side of the toilet is still not easy to get used to, I mean, its hard not to sneak a peak at the skid marks after wiping. I hate Ecuador.
I love Ecuador, I think as I walk out to catch a cab and start my day as I’m greeted by friendly neighbors who all wave and acknowledge my existence. I hate Ecuador I think as the damn roof dog next door starts to bark like he does every time i walk out of my own da*n house.
I love Ecuador, I think as i catch the $1 taxi to the bus stop 10 minutes away… I hate Ecuador when I arrive and the driver changes the agreed upon price on the fly and asks for $2 because the main road was closed and he had to take a detour.
I love Ecuador as I catch the bus after just 2 minutes of waiting, and I had the good fortunate on this day of getting the last seat in the bus. I hate Ecuador as within 5 minutes the bus packs up and due to all the human mass gets scorchingly hot yet the Ecuadorians at my side happily ride along without even so much as cracking the window. Really people, were you born in an oven? Then to top it off within 5 more minutes the people standing in the aisle next to me due to getting more and more squished start to lean in and their buttocks starts to wisk past my cheak with every turn of the bus. But hey, I think at least this guy wasn’t standing in the other direction or his crotch would be tea-bagging my scalp every time the bus rolled over the slightest bump.
I love Ecuador as I arrive at the mechanic to pick my car up and discover how little I’ve been charged for the work. I hate Ecuador as I discover the main job I brought the car in for which was supposed to be done last Thursday, now being the following Monday, still isn’t done. So after waiting 5 hours for them to finish the job, im off to the store.
I love Ecuador as i drift through the aisles of the grocery store admiring and selecting all the delicious exotic fruits… I hate Ecuador as I find out the bathroom cleaning solution that I always buy is no longer available because of some new import restriction… yet im offered no alternative… which prompts me to wonder, “am I the only one who cleans his bathroom in this country?”
I love Ecuador as I then meet up with some friends, boy do Ecuadorians know how to have a good time. I hate Ecuador as not only our first choice of restaurant, but then our second and third and fourth are all closed because its the day after a holiday weekend. I guess after a holiday everyone needs a recovery day in this country. So we ended up buying a bottle and parking in a vacant street to hang out. Like back in High school.
I love Ecuador while driving home past pedestrians waiting patiently on the side of the road, where they should be, as they do NOT have the right of way in Ecuador… I hate Ecuador when the slightest little drizzle starts and the roads turn into a gridlock worse than LA at rush hour, then as I try to change lanes 26 cars pass before one lets me over.
I love Ecuador as I arrive home and glance at the moon which seems way brighter than any moon I saw growing up in North America. I hate Ecuador as I realize the moon seems so bright cause all the lights are out in my neighborhood, we’re without power. Da*n it!
I love Ecuador as I walk in my front door and am warmly greeted by my beautiful girlfriend. I hate Ecuador when I realize shes being so nice cause shes about to tell me her sister and her sisters kid just moved into our spare room (permanently).
I love Ecuador as I lay down to sleep as the temperature cools down just enough for a great sleep under blankets, I hate Ecuador as my neighbors then begin to blare music until 4am cause one of them just had their sixth baby this year (if thats possible)… thank God for earplugs as calling the cops on a noise complaint wont get you very far in this country!
Aww, just another day in paradise.
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